Heretic Pride

It’s a fucking tragedy when they keep telling me I’m buying the wrong ink cartridge and I go home and, sur-fucking-prise, they were absolutely full of shit. 

Get your shit straight and act like a god damn professional. 

Can someone please tell me why the new Kanye album is this good!? 

It’s so good. It’s just so good. 

So I think about 15-16 of us are going to Vegas for new year’s eve this year. We have already reserved a suite at the Venetian and last night, during a quiet, calm and unprecedented grub fest at Applebee’s (which took place because Yardhouse had a 45 minute wait), we all began to discuss just exactly what the hell we would actually be doing on the night of December 31st. 

And then the truth hit all of us: None of us like crowds, none of us want to buy dreadfully overpriced drinks (because we are all okay with overpriced drinks, but on New Year’s there is no doubt that the prices will rise at least by 25%, the room itself is going to cost about 300 more total than it would on a regular night), none of us want to be out in the cold Vegas air only to be shoulder to shoulder with strangers, none of us want to wait in lines to get to the front door of a club only to be told that we can’t get in unless we slip the door man a hundo, and none of us (guys) are trying to scam on girls who will be getting a lot more attention than usual. All we want to do is buy booze before hand and have a fat ass party in our suite, maybe inviting other like-minded individuals to join in on the fun, maybe even meet some freaks with better suites than us, or even a penthouse, and just be merry as we watch fireworks from above the strip. 

And it was also at this moment that I realized, Damn, I am so glad these are the freaks I hang out with, because fuck it, we’re 22, partying is over and if it isn’t for you, than you’re living in the past. 

We’re too old for this shit, and I couldn’t be happier. 

I am also insanely stoked for what the night holds, I know that no matter how inverted we are when it comes to having to interact with other people, we still do enjoy getting into ridiculous hijinks and fucking up in general. 

There is a small chance I might be moving into a house in the upcoming months. I grew up in a house in Pomona until I was about 16 years old. Our street had an increase in gang violence and so we moved to Chino Hills immediately, but due to the time crunch, we could only move into an apartment because we didn’t have enough time to find a house we liked.

So now I’ve lived in an apartment for about 6 years, though four of those years were spent in college so coming home was always very temporary. When I went to college I lived in a three story house for two years (my fraternity) and then in a very small two-bedroom house for my last year. I have a very, very strong attachment to houses. I do not feel like apartments are homes, I feel as though they are temporary spaces in which people sleep. My neighbors change every year or so and I never get to know anyone too well in this complex. Our apartment is two bedrooms and is pretty small so I rarely have friends over, and if I do it’s two at the most. 

It could be the four years at architecture school or the ever increasing personal bubble, but I feel like having a space to simply exist is possibly the most important thing for anyone. Shared spaces can perform well and sometimes produce some of the best dynamics, yet for someone to not have a space, no matter how big or small, in which they can exist as no one but themselves is probably the greatest detriment to mental and emotional health that I can think of. 

It could also be due to the age I was born in and the engrained American Dream, but I also think that a house is the strongest sense of self that one can have. You own it. It is yours. You take care of it, you look after it, you fight with it, you live in it, you sleep in it, you put yourself there willingly day after day and you chose it as an appropriate space to give you and your loved ones shelter. Inside a house is where you can find out the most about anyone. That house holds everything about the people inside of it. The only step after is to go inside the person themselves. 

I also love having people over and I love hosting things. I like giving people a space to be. I love a full and happy place. I like inviting people inside. I like so much of it. 

This is me at my most domestic, and I think I have extremely valid reasons for falling victim to the suburban American Dream which so many people reject. The spaces I create reflect who I am and to never have a space to exist takes away from me because I have to hold so much inside and after a while it’s so surprising how heavy you really are. 

I scored 590 verbal and 700 quantitative on the GRE. 

My quantitative is a full 110 points above my verbal. 

I scored in the 84th percentile in verbal, yet only the 70th percentile for quantitative. 110 points higher in score, 14 percent lower in comparison to test-takers on the same date. This boggles my mind. It both boosts my confidence in my verbal performance while simultaneously taking away the pride I had in my quantitative performance. 

I got a 5 on the written essay, also at the 84th percentile. 

My verbal skills are highly consistent within their own parameters. 

ALSO, applying to grad school is almost over with! Despite the fact that I have actually submitted no applications yet, I have obtained my letters and my transcripts and completed my personal statements for my first two deadlines—Berkeley and UCSD. I have completed my manuscript for UCSD and am finishing another for UCI which is due December 15th. My work samples are (basically) set, though they are a bit paltry, so I hope my scores, statements, and letters do enough to prove otherwise. My Berkeley statement is so freaking good. I’m actually just proud of it. I won’t be surprised if I don’t get in, but I’m just really happy with what I’ve produced. 

Happy Holidays.

means terrible drivers! 

i’m most likely visiting the bay for a weekend. 

I will have to coordinate between grad apps, so basically any time after the 15th will be suitable. … I’m thinking the minute after I mail my manuscripts to UCI, the morning of the 15th, will be the best time to go. 

Then again, as an employee of the pomona unified school district, i get a christmas break, so any time is ok actually. 

My old english teacher, way back from first year, has agreed to write me a letter of recommendation for grad school. She was actually the first to agree and is freaking amazing and I cannot stress how thankful I am to her. 

Anyways, she also wanted me to send some of my creative writing so she could better understand how I’ve developed as a writer. 

She said that she could easily see the influence I took from As I Lay Dying. 

Guys, this is like, the best thing anyone has ever said ever. about anything. everything. any. ever. oh my god what is this feeling. so. happy. oh nooooo whyyyyyyy this happy. awwwww all i’ve ever wanted was to write as well as faulkner oh deaaar whyyyyyyy. 

You unwittingly made a rebuttal to my uncle’s comment on my wasted degree and it was the sweetest thing ever. 

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (sigh of relief)

The new Windows Phone ads are admirable, they attempt to address a problem that I consider quite serious to be honest—the increased dependence on smart phones that results in the dramatic decrease in personal interaction. Unfortunately, the ad campaign assumes that the reason individuals are stuck to their phones is because the interface is not intuitive enough and does not provide enough information at first glance. 

I can assure you that this is not the case. I have recently entered the realm of the smart phone and I cannot ignore its influence on my day to day life. Access to anything—the internet, my email, facebook, this tumblr, other friends with droids as well, maps, store inventories and more—has improved dramatically. The most notable difference is my quick access to emails and being able to find a book in stores for the cheapest price available (i like reading). I do all of these activities, however, I do them when I am alone. I am not one of the numerous individuals who are glued to their phone when in a social environment. To ignore your immediate surroundings, especially when your priority is to be texting with someone else or to be playing Angry Birds, is absolutely inappropriate. There are better ways to show your lack of gratitude, appreciation, and respect for those who you interact with on a face-to-face basis.

I cannot implore how drastically I feel our phones have ruined us. We are allowing ourselves to become reticent and insulate due to the shift in social interaction from one medium to another—real life to digital. While I will admit that texting has brought about a new, easier form of communication that allows for an intermediary level of informality that makes the stress of meeting new people less difficult in pressing situations (namely, dating), this does not excuse the behavior so prevalent within my generation. Since I have obtained my new phone, my texting frequency has raised dramatically. These communique have typically pertained to the simplest of messages: Good Luck!—What time am I supposed to be there?—How was Halloween?—I heard shit went down, do tell—SUP FREAK. I have held only one “textversation” and it was with a girl I had only spoken to once and we were discussing graduate plans. The next morning she called and we had a normal, regular discussion. As I said, texting does allow for somewhat of a stepping stone for voice-to-voice interaction, but it does not excuse one from ignoring what is happening immediately around them, especially if the environment is a social one.

I have been in bars, living rooms with good friends, restaurants, birthday parties, and more in which one or more individuals have chosen to separate themselves by placing themselves into their phone. One of my friends gets a lot of shit (though he doesn’t know it) about constantly being on the phone with his girlfriend. Typically we will all be hanging out and he will excuse himself for a few minutes to talk to his woman. I find this completely acceptable. He has excused himself as a presence from the situation at hand due to the fact that his mind will not be present either. It is only a sign of respect—to the parties in immediate interaction, as well as to the party on the phone—that he excuse himself. By leaving he has shown to his lady that he prizes her conversation to the point that he will make it a priority. To the rest of us in the room, he has made a choice—leave the room and hold a conversation rather than stay inside and be unable to participate. I find this to be the appropriate decision. 

The insult results from the notion that one can be in two places at once. If you are in a setting with friends, then you spend your time with them. If they are boring you, then maybe you shouldn’t be hanging out with them in the first place. If you wish to leave, then just fucking do it, but don’t show your lack of interest by being more involved in someone who is nowhere near you physically or vocally. All you’re doing is contributing to the burgeoning attenuation of social, real life activity.

I am really opinionated on some of the weirdest things. It’s nice. 

 (Also, my gre words have stayed with me)

I really don’t like generic halloween costumes. I only like it when people dress up as a specific character because that way you get to guess accurately. This even includes zombies. Unless you are a specific zombie. Which can happen. I know, what zombie do I have in mind? 

THIS ONE. This is Tarman, from Return of the Living Dead. Not Night, Dawn, Day, Land, Diary, or Survival. This movie was not made by George Romero but it does reference Night of the Living Dead as a movie which the characters actually saw. It’s kind of weird. Anyways, this fucker is terrifying. 

What I’m saying is, fuck dressing up like a cowboy, or a nurse, or a stupid. Unless that cowboy is Clint Eastwood, or that nurse is Nurse Ratched, or that stupid is Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber. I just like it more when people dress up as characters. Whatever. Fuck it, I’m post-GRE right now and I’m stoookkedddd. 

nailed it. It feels so good.

I think I need this more than anything right now. I need so much right now and it feels wrong to be so wanting but so many things were taken away from me over the past few months and I never wanted that to happen but they did and so now I’m somewhere I don’t even want to be and I’ve never had a worse feeling than a displaced one and every day I wake up that’s at best what I am, is not where I want to be. 

Score well on the GRE

Get assigned a school for my college tutoring job, finish hiring process quickly

Pwn Life

hallelujah!

I have no idea how long they’re supposed to be. Some schools give a word limit, which are wildly different—UCSD says no more than 2500, CSU Fullerton says no more than 1000—but most schools don’t specify. So I’m just writing how much I need to write to get my point across. This has been roughly in the 1500-2000 word limit and I think I’m very fine with that.