I Really Do Think Insanely Highly of You Two...
Victor: Smells like wifey?
David: Shut the fuck up!
Victor: At minimum Francis-level relationship? Who am I kidding, that's wifey.
David: STOP THAT. I'm still in absolute denial of anything remotely resembling feelings. Let me do that for a while, okay?
Victor: So where do you wanna get married? A church?
David: Fuck you. Also, Francis-Ally are more than wifey. That's eternal wifey.
David: francis and ally are "let's shame every other couple by making them re-evaluate what their definition of the word 'love' is."
David: francis and ally are seriously, "All you need is love"
Victor: that better be their wedding song.
David: there's an alternate reality where Francis and Ally brought peace to the middle east simply by asking them to quit triflin'
Chasing a Narrative
I wouldn’t say I’m necessarily self-destructive as much I am someone who enjoys making self-destructive decisions. In terms of pure narrative, yes, my life becomes far more enticing the morning after, but I think I’m getting to the age when telling a story isn’t worth the ramifications. Something else I’ve encountered is that sometimes these stories aren’t to...
The grass isn’t greener on the other side, guys! Everyone lied to you! It’s really dry and sick and pale and it scratches the bottom of your feet if you don’t wear shoes, and in the mid-day, countless fires are started because of it!
Paul: AH! Goddammit! ... Don't worry. No harm done.
David: What happened?
Paul: I just stabbed myself with the giant fork.
David: Oh yeah, fuck that thing.
David: Why do we even have a giant fork!?
Paul: WHY IS IT ALWAYS POINTING STRAIGHT UP!?
Fuck and Loathing in a Too-Large Apartment
starring this asshole
I told a girl at a bar last night that I liked her...
and she looked at me like I was a filthy pig who was just trying to fuck her. I wanted to take back my comment so much. I wanted to tell her “Fuck you and your glasses. I lied, they fucking suck.” Fucking SF hipster. Nice glasses, though.
I went out to SF last night and I was running and I fell and I fucked up my shoulder in a most unbelievably terrible way, and it hurts a shit ton right now, and I’m just really pissed because it took me a lot of time to put on my shirt. I can’t imagine how difficult my shower is going to be in a few minutes. Shampooing my hair!? MOTHER. OF. GOD.
I have never been more proud of you than I am right now. I hope her personality...– Patrick, putting things into perspective, or He Gets It
Francis: Whoa, what happened?
David: To my arm? I don't know!
Francis: Wait, was it you I tackled!?
David: Was it!?
Francis: Do you remember getting tackled?
David: I remember seeing someone get tackled, so no.
Pat: Maybe you got tackled so hard Francis gave you an out of body experience.
David: I like that idea, let's go with that one.
David: We went fishing in the marina once.
Francis: Did you catch anything?
David: Naw, but Adolfo caught a crab.
Francis: Oh, did he keep it and then eat it?
David: Considered it.
Francis: Considered it as a friend? Or as a pet?
David: He considered eating it!
Francis: Oh! I don't know why I asked if he became friends with it before he considered it as a pet.
Every single song on El Camino by Black Keys
is how I feel about everything right now.